These Dreams... Like the Ones I Used To Have.

Where people turn into other people and it's all a sepia-tinted mess.
Anyways.
I'll set this up like the six hours entries, because it's easier to follow that way.

Characters: Kathlyn, A dear old friend of mine; Ken, her older brother whom I have just recently come into contact with again; Their Father; Patrick, a boy from my high school whom I worry about constantly; Some assorted Army personnel; Jeff Mangum, Former lead singer of Neutral Milk Hotel and musical genius; and Anastasia, that's me.
Setting: A mess hall, a kitchen, and a victorian house. But not in that order.

I don't really have the whole dream for you, but here's what I can offer. Kathlyn appeared out of nowhere in a red car on a red cell phone. She called me and then came to get me. I got to this victorian house that was apparently where she lived. Her family was partially there, I saw her dad and Ken, her brother, and her dog (what was that dog's name? calico? I can't remember.) For whatever reason Kathlyn had to leave, so I was alone with Ken and their dad. I spent a siginificant amount of time talking with Ken about something, but I can't remember what. Then he went to go clean locker rooms with Patrick and another nameless person. I went to try and get free dinner from the mess hall. A general of some sort began harassing me, and I yelled at him. When someone else tried to chastise me, I explained that I wasn't in the army, I was just hungry, and walked into the locker rooms to find Ken. I couldn't locate him, but I did run into Patrick. I went into the kitchen and was just with their dad, and then Ken came back and told him the best way to keep from drowning was to keep both hands free. I walked outside and there was Ken, but he had taken on the appearance of Jeff Mangum. When I started talking to him, it became apparent that Ken had become Jeff Mangum. I could hardly keep calm- I was talking to Jeff Mangum!
Of course, we talked about Oh Comely. There were other things, but now that song has been in two dreams.

Also! When soymilk goes bad, it tastes like miso.

I am an immolation of praise...

... For that which I have.
That which I have being Kyle, mostly. I am so grateful that I can be there when he needs me.
He came with the thanksgiving and it was awesome because he liked my family and they liked him. And we groped each other on the way home.
Last night I spent 3 and a half hours with a boy named Eric. And it was a lot of fun. Not awkward at all, which is really cool because Andrea and I spent all of high school looking up to him like he was the god of pretty. We used him to murder what was left of our awkward. The only reason we left when we did was because I was sick. That sucked.
Now I am at Andrea's house and she's out with Chris. And my phone is dead. grr.

This Gogol Bordello Song... It's Chasing Me!

Called Start Wearing Purple. Won't leave me alone. Luckily, it's a good song.
Kyle is angry because he saw me post smoking. He needs to accept me for who I am now.
At this moment.
Because I can't get better than I am until he stops being angry at who I am now.
I don't even think it's anger... it's more disappointment. I'm trying to quit. Soon. But I don't even want to tell him in case I fail. I don't think I willfail though, I think I'm ready.
Regardless, I am here at Andrea's and enjoying myself. Doing more things that Kyle would disapprove of.
It's very cathartic and relaxing. I don't realize how much I miss her until she's back.

Sometimes I Loathe My Lifestyle.

Other times, I really miss my kids. A lot.
Tonight is one of those nights where I just want to be with people. I know nothing has settled down and everythng is just as messy and idiotic as before, but I still love them. And frankly, I'm having Chicago-family cravings. I miss all of them.
The weekend was as pleasantly crazy as they get.
Winsty decided to come down at some point, so my plans to see Ubu were postponed. We went coat shopping for him, and eventually did locate the Wicker Park branch of Belmont Army. We only got lost three times!
The discovery of the snazzy coat lead to dinner at Earwax, where winston broke a bottle of hot sauce on my scarf. It still smells of tabasco.
(Also! We found Lady Sovereign masks on a wall and took them! Winsty wore his and talked with a british accent.)
When we got back Christina was here with her friend Jori. They were playing the new My Chemical Romance cd. After a few minutes, Christina's sister showed up and then we all went to see the windows. They were Mary Poppins-themed. Post-windows, we stood on a street corner and talked and skanked (the dance). Eventually we went back to the apartment. where we decided to go to the Pick-Me-Up again. So we put on a lot of makeup and we did. And Winston flashed some guy, and jori flashed the same guy, and eventually we made it home. then we trekked to the 24-hour Walgreens and got tapes and dye and makeup. And an Energy drink that didn't suck that much. When we finally made it back, it was around 4 ae em.
I then got a phone call from Andrea. Go figure.
Saturday I woke up at 11 to get on a 12:30 train to see Kyle. Eventually we went to where he works, and he went to work and I waited for Andrea to come pick me up. I was already tired. But I was up until 3. We saw the boys play in Jim's basement, went to Schoop's for fries and coffee ice cream, and then everybody congregatd in Andrea's basement. I realize that my life is a string of basements made of music.
Sunday was missing the first train to cath the second and arrive home minutes before Ubu started. it was hilarious and beautifully done. The DADAs would be proud. Then I made it back to the building in time for some sort of thanksgiving dinner. It was ok but it was free food.
Then I took a 6-hour nap and now I am awake. And I really miss my kids. A Lot. I want to hang out with them. But I'm still exhausted.

Quills

The thing about Quills is that it's a play I went to see tonight. In said play, one character (the marquis) is naked for most of the play.
The boy who played the marquis's name is Brandon, and he is in my horticulture class. That's tomorrow. And I was i the front row.
I have no problem with nudity in theatre. As an avid Sarah Kane fan, there's no way I could. Nudity, when used properly, is a very good thing in theatre. This was nudity used properly. My problm is that it's a little over half way through the semester and I have class with a boy who just spent a good part of 2 hours plus standing directly in front of me naked. Awkward,
Interestingly enough, he was the best actor in the whole thing.

Adventures in Getting Lost Part 3

Today I got lost on the way to a kid from my actng class's house. His name is Catch. I'm gonna lend him Sarah Kane. I went down the wrong street twice but eventually made it there.
I like te house he has with three other guys a lot. It was nice. There was something taped over the toilet paper roll holder, it said smile and smoke or something like that. It was nifty.
They had PBR but I didn't partake, and on the way home I thought I should have, but then I was sick on the train and was happy I didn't.

Whoa.

So much in so little time and I don't know whether to be terrified or thrilled at the course of events. So much has gone wrong, so much has gone right, and then one thing completely threw me for a loop. I don't know.
What I called player's lights were actually Player's "medium" Navy Cut. Unfiltered. Now I can't taste the parliaments. There's gotta be something wrong with that.
The decemberists were not as good as last year.
Last night was... i don't want to talk about it. suffice it to say that there was blood and i had a panic attack and Kyle missed his train.
Today i woke up to a call from my RA making sure that everything was ok. That was actually a pleasant way to wake up.
Also! Kenny, Kathlyn's older brother who is awesome, found me on facebook. Whoa.

Two Letters

One from the biggest intentional mistake I've ever made, and one from a dear old friend. That's life.
Some days it's like going insane, and other days I get letters from an emo queen and the ghost of christmas past.
The content of both were similar.
Which is odd.

From The Basement...

I'm back home in lansing, brought the laptop with me.
As always, it's good to be home. We went to Schoop's and we'll be going to Round the Clock soon.
And we got player's lights!

You Could Smell It In the Hallway.

The whole place reeked of pot. How stupid can you be, guys? They had the window open, but it was just blowing it into the hallway.
Needless to say, things are about to get even more interesting,
This really is a devil town. And they are all vampires.

The Main Reason For the Abundnce Of Posts.

Basically, I've stopped hanging out with everyone. I've stopped being sociable, stopped 'going out', whatever. I don't do it anymore for no particular reason. I just don't. Today my social interaction was limited to the people in my two tuesday classes, Mary, Christina (we went shopping for food), Emi sort of (we don't really talk much but it counts), and Eric (because he showed up at the room twice).
I just don't want to be a part of the rancor. It doesn't seem like anyone cares, so why should I? They don't miss me,
I can't say that I don't miss them but I couldn't live with the tension. Maybe it's clearing up. I don't hate anyone, no, I love them all. I'm just staying in. I need to clean anyways, right?
That's what I've been doing. Cleaning and smoking and playing mandolin and learning russian. Which is very hard.
Speaking of which, I should probably do one of those now. I'll leave it up to you, the reader, of which maybe one exsists, to decide which I end up doing for yourself.

Last Night While Smoking a Cigarette...

A Marlboro light butt fell from the sky and hit my arm. I'm starting to think that I should list all strange things that happen to me while smoking in a seperate blog. Or possiby make a seperate blog for everything I eat that's under 5 dollars. Or at least start listing them all in here. Call it the poor kid special.
(Poor kid special: Today I had a free bagel for lunch.)

Comment Ca Va?

So my french is good for something. I feel like less of an ugly american.
I just had a short conversation in french with some guy on the street. He asked for a cigarette, I gave him one and he spoke to me exclusively in french. It was nice.
I gave him my french name. Oh well. It was life affirming. Sign number 7? I think so.

The Coffee Pot Appears at the Door.

What the fuck did I do to you?

Well?

Guy Fawkes Day Means Nothing to Me.

I got lost on the bus again. This time I was headed to a girl from my design class, Chantel's house. I had been wating to meet her since orientation when that stupid boston guy got in the way, and when she showed up on my design class I was more than happy.
Last night she had a hot coco party. I was the only oe who showed up, but that was ok because a lot of fun was had. At least on my part. We made paper and had hot coco and talked and she leant me a play called "Rhinoceros".
How did I get lost on the bus this time? I missed my stop completely. On the way home the bus wouldn't stop for me, so I walked a few blocks until it did.
I got home and slept for a very long time.
I noticed today when getting out of the shower that I can see my ribs no matter how I'm standing. Not cool. I guess I lost all that weight I was shooting for and then 10 pounds or so. Eep.

What Do You Mean This is the End of the Line?

I went on an excursion with Mari and Ashley, two girls from my horticulture class.
First, we were going to see a band at Subterraneans. Then, we were going to see a show at the Abbey Pub. Then we ended up at the Pick-Me-Up Cafe.
Why not Subterraneans?
It ended up being 21 and over. None of us are 21.
Why not the Abbey Pub?
By the time we got to the L stop it was 10;15. The show was at 9. Then we got on a bus going the wrong way. He said he would tke us to the stp, but we decided that it wasn't worth it. We went back the the L stop and got back on the train.
Why the Pick-Me-Up?
Because the Pick-Me-Up is awesome. It's open until 3 on weekdays, all night on the weekends, and (as I found out) has killer cafe au laits. And cherry pie.
We sat and talked and had coffee and pie, Mari had a brownie. One of the best nights I've had in a while, for some reason. Maybe it was because the two are genuinely friendly, as opposed to the fam with their tensions. I honestly hope we can do it again sometimes.
Also! A man on the train was drinking kiwi mad dog 20/20, like the Elliot Smith song.

Assorted Halloweens and Weekends

Halloween for me started on saturday, when Winsty came up to visit. We had thai food, were amazed at how the George Diamond Fire could still need putting out, and watched The Excorcist. I decided that I wanted to come home with him and go to Round The Clock dressed up for Halloween. So that"s what we did.
I practiced Karen O and he practiced Alex from A Clockwork Orange. We met Jim there, and he brought this kid Adam with him. I met Adam the last time I went home. This time I learned that he knows everything. I was amazed.
It was beautiful to be back. I was forced into church the next day, and that wasn't so pretty, but it was this close to being worth it.
Monday brought Steve's death. Funeral Services will be pushed back until I'm not busy.
Tuesday was halloween, and I perfected the Karen O makeup and met another Adam. This one was Tom Waits and can play ukulele and accordion. Needless to say i fell head over heels in love with him instantly. Meg and Kenzie's part for jeremy was a lot of fun. And the family party (meaning the kids I normally hang out with) was a family party. Full of tension that no one speaks of and drinking, I love my family, and I love those parties because the strangest things happen and sometimes people I've never met show up.
So, Halloween was lovely.
Tonight in a few minutes I'm going to leave to go see a show with some girls from my horticulture class.Hopfully it will be awesome.
Tomorrow is opening night for Marian's play. I can wait but I have to go. That should be ok. I hope.