I feel like running away.
Maybe I will, I don't know. But there's this lingering guilt over nothing and an urge to do what I had planned on from the beginning: couch hop. Maybe take up residence with Mike Robinson. I don't know.
Things feel like they're going away from what I wanted. I'm questioning the purpose of my being here. It seems like a waste of time and money. I don't see what I'm accomplishing taking classes that I neither need nor feel like I am actively participating in. I mean, I like to think I do my best, but it's not making sense right now.
It's halloween. I don't want to get out of a bed that I haven't even crawled into yet. I'm worried.
I think it's that paper I wrote about him. It is, for whatever reason, making me question my choices about everything. Don't get me wrong, I like it here, but i could be taking care of tings and actually preparing for whatever future I might have. Maybe it's because I'm tired. Maybe it's that long conversation I had with that kid James tonight (I think that was his name). I don't know,
That is the exact problem. I don't know. I hit some sort of wall. And I really hope it stops here.
31 October 2006
26 October 2006
Nightmares
Today when I took a nap I had a nightmare, as I usually do when I sleep during the day in my bed. There were corpses and people eating said corpses and this fire. I was in a burning building. I knew I was going to die and I was surrounded by people who were going to eat my charred flesh if they didn't go first.
I woke up unafraid. I woke up jealous of my sleeping self, the girl in the fire. I wanted to go back.
On the L ride hme from horticulure it hit me why.
This, my waking life, is the nightmare. That was nothing. I was in need f that escape so badly when it came as death it didn't hurt. The L ride there involved power outages. I couldn't find the painting for Kyle and I think he thinks I just didn't look hard enough. I searched the entire museum for that painting and didn't find it. It's raining and I don't know where my umbrella is.
That building is still burning. We have some sort of powder keg with our friends and it's going to blow up soon, My key card was deactivated. I have slept two hours in the past 24, and have eaten nothing but a half piece of pizza that i picked apart anyways and candy and coffee and cigarettes.
I don't understand.
And I'm sincerely worried about Michael. I saw him while walking back to the apartment, head down and ipod on. I tried to say hello, but he didn't respond. I practically stuck my head under his umbrella. Nothing. So I sent him a text message asing him how he was doing and got no response. Christ. I don't know what to do, the wall is getting thicker. I'm less than a year or so removed from the other side of that same wall. I used to know. Part of me wants to go back, just to get through to him and understand what he's going through.
I'm lost.
I woke up unafraid. I woke up jealous of my sleeping self, the girl in the fire. I wanted to go back.
On the L ride hme from horticulure it hit me why.
This, my waking life, is the nightmare. That was nothing. I was in need f that escape so badly when it came as death it didn't hurt. The L ride there involved power outages. I couldn't find the painting for Kyle and I think he thinks I just didn't look hard enough. I searched the entire museum for that painting and didn't find it. It's raining and I don't know where my umbrella is.
That building is still burning. We have some sort of powder keg with our friends and it's going to blow up soon, My key card was deactivated. I have slept two hours in the past 24, and have eaten nothing but a half piece of pizza that i picked apart anyways and candy and coffee and cigarettes.
I don't understand.
And I'm sincerely worried about Michael. I saw him while walking back to the apartment, head down and ipod on. I tried to say hello, but he didn't respond. I practically stuck my head under his umbrella. Nothing. So I sent him a text message asing him how he was doing and got no response. Christ. I don't know what to do, the wall is getting thicker. I'm less than a year or so removed from the other side of that same wall. I used to know. Part of me wants to go back, just to get through to him and understand what he's going through.
I'm lost.
This Was My Night. I Don't Know How I Feel About That.
Amy: I really should be doing my homework. Or at least showering.
Steve: Go then.
A: But I cant, I need to stay with you two, I need to talk or ill go crazy.
Dave: Why do you think we haven’t left yet? It’s 6 am; all of us have school in a few hours. And all of us have homework we haven’t done.
S: I don’t have homework.
D: Yes you do, you just don’t do it.
S: Point taken.
A: Where were we, anyways?
D: The same place we've been all night, the meaning of life, the nature of love, and obnoxious small talk that none of us can stand.
S: I don’t understand why this is so important. We all know the meaning of life, and the nature of love has nothing to do with genes, and...
D: Shut up! This has nothing to do with anything! You know very well that we weren’t talking about what these things are!
A: Please, don’t yell. Steve, if you want to, you can leave. You could’ve left a while ago.
S: No I can’t. I am just as bound to this as you are.
A: We need to resolve this- until I am reconciled I cannot rest. None of us will be able to do anything until we have reconciled this mess- not just to one another but for good.
D: We will not be happy.
S: We will be stressed about something important.
A: Christ! We are so stupid! It’s like a fortune cookie! The nature of love is to act. We’ve known this from the start.
S: Then why are we still here?
A: Can't you see? This isn’t about life, or love, or any of that. This is about death and lies.
D: Are you saying what I think you’re saying?
S: Oh... (pause.) there's only one way to find out...
All 3: CURTAIN! ---
The point is, long conversations into the ae ems that end in no resolution equal words on a page equal there is the drama. Nobody knows quite what to do. But we're working on it. and while I should be sleeping I had to put this in a more visible place.
I wrote that my sophomore year of high school and I just lived it. And I'm going to keep living it, for a while at least.
I am ready and willing, but I hope we can figure it out. There might be some insight into what's going on in there. I hope.
Steve: Go then.
A: But I cant, I need to stay with you two, I need to talk or ill go crazy.
Dave: Why do you think we haven’t left yet? It’s 6 am; all of us have school in a few hours. And all of us have homework we haven’t done.
S: I don’t have homework.
D: Yes you do, you just don’t do it.
S: Point taken.
A: Where were we, anyways?
D: The same place we've been all night, the meaning of life, the nature of love, and obnoxious small talk that none of us can stand.
S: I don’t understand why this is so important. We all know the meaning of life, and the nature of love has nothing to do with genes, and...
D: Shut up! This has nothing to do with anything! You know very well that we weren’t talking about what these things are!
A: Please, don’t yell. Steve, if you want to, you can leave. You could’ve left a while ago.
S: No I can’t. I am just as bound to this as you are.
A: We need to resolve this- until I am reconciled I cannot rest. None of us will be able to do anything until we have reconciled this mess- not just to one another but for good.
D: We will not be happy.
S: We will be stressed about something important.
A: Christ! We are so stupid! It’s like a fortune cookie! The nature of love is to act. We’ve known this from the start.
S: Then why are we still here?
A: Can't you see? This isn’t about life, or love, or any of that. This is about death and lies.
D: Are you saying what I think you’re saying?
S: Oh... (pause.) there's only one way to find out...
All 3: CURTAIN! ---
The point is, long conversations into the ae ems that end in no resolution equal words on a page equal there is the drama. Nobody knows quite what to do. But we're working on it. and while I should be sleeping I had to put this in a more visible place.
I wrote that my sophomore year of high school and I just lived it. And I'm going to keep living it, for a while at least.
I am ready and willing, but I hope we can figure it out. There might be some insight into what's going on in there. I hope.
Fire Makes You Friendly.
For the record, it was STILL burning at 9PM tonight. I guess it's out now and they're tearing it down.
I met three new people tonight while smoking.
There was Chelsea, who was very very drunk and friendly, and it turns out she lives down the hall, Marie, who lives down few floors and was interested in my horticulture class, and that other guy whose name was Jonathan or something like that. He took a year off.
I also finally met Kevin, Kyle's friend, at the art club halloween party. He reminded me of something I couldn't put my finger on. I"ve been filming random stuff all day, like the train conductor on the way to Kyle.
Right now I wanted to go to bed, but there's stuff on my bed. So I'm thinking I'll take it as a sign that I should go make some coffee instead.
I met three new people tonight while smoking.
There was Chelsea, who was very very drunk and friendly, and it turns out she lives down the hall, Marie, who lives down few floors and was interested in my horticulture class, and that other guy whose name was Jonathan or something like that. He took a year off.
I also finally met Kevin, Kyle's friend, at the art club halloween party. He reminded me of something I couldn't put my finger on. I"ve been filming random stuff all day, like the train conductor on the way to Kyle.
Right now I wanted to go to bed, but there's stuff on my bed. So I'm thinking I'll take it as a sign that I should go make some coffee instead.
25 October 2006
This One Goes Out To The One I Love...
Fire!
I woke up from my nap at 3:30 today. 3:36 I get a call from my dad making sure I was ok because there was a fire. This was the first I had heard about it. George Diamond's, the abandoned steakhouse, is still burning. It started at 3:00 pm and 12 hours later is still going on. Nuts, huh?
I got those pictures on the way to my class, which was sadly not canceled. Abut 15 miutes after we got there Kyle called and I didn't answer. So he called back. When I listened to the voicemails he sounded very upset.
He was worried about me, silly boy. I suppose I can't do much about that, though. He sould know better. Actually, I should have called. I was going to but then I couldn't hear my phone and then I forgot. That was wrong of me, to let him worry. And every time I mention the fire he asks me not to talk about it.
I can't help but wonder what's up. And he really wants me t come home tomorrow. Maybe because in his mind I almost died. I don't want to go, but I think I have to. I don't really have the money for the ticket. Oh well.
23 October 2006
Today...
I fell flat on my stomach after tripping over the sidewalk and my feet. On top of my laptop. At a busy-ish intersection.
Some asian guy who could barely speak english followed me and gave me back my cell phone. It had fallen out of my pocket and I didn't notice.
Sign number 6.
(Incidentally, my laptop was ok and I didn't even miss my train.)
Some asian guy who could barely speak english followed me and gave me back my cell phone. It had fallen out of my pocket and I didn't notice.
Sign number 6.
(Incidentally, my laptop was ok and I didn't even miss my train.)
Oh, the Signs and Wonders I Am Witness To!
Both yesterday and today. Yesterday had a full entry, so it's today that I will focus on. and one thing from yesterday that I didn't know had a purpose.
Sign number 1: I finished the first song ever that I did completely by myself. I wrote the music and everything! This isn't a big deal to most people, but I had a problem with writing music for a long time. That's what Andrea was mostly for. So I have rendered her almost completely obsolete. Except for the friendship part. The song is very sad and unintentionally so. I still don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I've got a bunch of stuff I've been sitting on and now that I feel musically competent, I'm going to write all of that. Like the mail order bride project. That needs to be done.
Sign number 2: I have my period for the fourth time in 8 weeks. I got it yesterday. That seems like more of an inconvenience than a sign, but it relates to sign number 3.
Sign number 3: Today I was at Kyle's. Because of my period, we just watched a movie, so when his parents got home three hours early we were just sitting there (that is the full extent of sign number 2). I had to get out, so we called a friend of his who was supposed ot be over later. He wasn't busy and was there promptly. Long story short, I ended up climbing out of Kyle's bedroom window, scurring to our friend's car and hiding in the backseat until he drove me to the train station. We had a nice conversation when we got there, waiting. Neither of Kyle's parents noticed.
Sign number 4: Meg had a videocamera. I desperately needed one and now I have one on lend. For my NMS project. Now I just need the other half of the idea.
Sign number 5: I went down to Michael/Jeffrey/Claire/etc.'s room and had a life affirming experience. I go down there because I want to and I like to, and I sit with Michael. I like to keep him company, we have great little conversations and music stuff, but sometimes it feels like that line from that Bright Eyes song, It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends. "I'm only here so you're not alone". Don't take that in the wrong way, dear reader, I'm not doing it out of some sense of duty, or like MIchael needs to be watched, but a lot of the time I just sit with him in silence. I love that. Because we both are not alone.
Recently, life has been a struggle with the hormones I've been dealing with. There are days when I feel like I did last year, and some even like what I felt sophomore and junior years of high school. Those were the worst years, especially sophomore year. Those are the worst days now. Some days I don't want to move. I do move, though, and I think that a really big step for me in dealing with all of this is that I understand that it's the fact that I've had period level hormones for about two months now. I understand that it's not the way I am, it's the way my messed-up body cycle is making me. Now, this is different from when I was in therapy, whether the therapy was cutting or drinking or going to that psychologist, because then it wasn't just hormones. I know that I still have that in me somewhere, but I think that this incident with the two months of period will eventually help me deal with what's really wrong with me, if that ever rears its ugly head again.
Also! Kyle and I were watching The Devil and Daniel Johnston, a movie about Daniel Johnston, and Daniel thinks/thought he was condemned to hell. This was kind of scary because last year's collapse was focused on the idea that I had been condemned to hell. Which leads me to believe that that was a major scale mental breakdown last november.
Also! Why am I writing about this? Nobody reads this, and the people who do don't care about my crazy!
Sign number 1: I finished the first song ever that I did completely by myself. I wrote the music and everything! This isn't a big deal to most people, but I had a problem with writing music for a long time. That's what Andrea was mostly for. So I have rendered her almost completely obsolete. Except for the friendship part. The song is very sad and unintentionally so. I still don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I've got a bunch of stuff I've been sitting on and now that I feel musically competent, I'm going to write all of that. Like the mail order bride project. That needs to be done.
Sign number 2: I have my period for the fourth time in 8 weeks. I got it yesterday. That seems like more of an inconvenience than a sign, but it relates to sign number 3.
Sign number 3: Today I was at Kyle's. Because of my period, we just watched a movie, so when his parents got home three hours early we were just sitting there (that is the full extent of sign number 2). I had to get out, so we called a friend of his who was supposed ot be over later. He wasn't busy and was there promptly. Long story short, I ended up climbing out of Kyle's bedroom window, scurring to our friend's car and hiding in the backseat until he drove me to the train station. We had a nice conversation when we got there, waiting. Neither of Kyle's parents noticed.
Sign number 4: Meg had a videocamera. I desperately needed one and now I have one on lend. For my NMS project. Now I just need the other half of the idea.
Sign number 5: I went down to Michael/Jeffrey/Claire/etc.'s room and had a life affirming experience. I go down there because I want to and I like to, and I sit with Michael. I like to keep him company, we have great little conversations and music stuff, but sometimes it feels like that line from that Bright Eyes song, It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends. "I'm only here so you're not alone". Don't take that in the wrong way, dear reader, I'm not doing it out of some sense of duty, or like MIchael needs to be watched, but a lot of the time I just sit with him in silence. I love that. Because we both are not alone.
Recently, life has been a struggle with the hormones I've been dealing with. There are days when I feel like I did last year, and some even like what I felt sophomore and junior years of high school. Those were the worst years, especially sophomore year. Those are the worst days now. Some days I don't want to move. I do move, though, and I think that a really big step for me in dealing with all of this is that I understand that it's the fact that I've had period level hormones for about two months now. I understand that it's not the way I am, it's the way my messed-up body cycle is making me. Now, this is different from when I was in therapy, whether the therapy was cutting or drinking or going to that psychologist, because then it wasn't just hormones. I know that I still have that in me somewhere, but I think that this incident with the two months of period will eventually help me deal with what's really wrong with me, if that ever rears its ugly head again.
Also! Kyle and I were watching The Devil and Daniel Johnston, a movie about Daniel Johnston, and Daniel thinks/thought he was condemned to hell. This was kind of scary because last year's collapse was focused on the idea that I had been condemned to hell. Which leads me to believe that that was a major scale mental breakdown last november.
Also! Why am I writing about this? Nobody reads this, and the people who do don't care about my crazy!
21 October 2006
like slow sex, or the inside of clouds
Soft Soft Silver Bang, that is.
the band that they made in a month out of several of my friends who play music. Tonight was the show after so many frantic practices and hours into the night spent screen printing and button making.
Tonight was the show. And it was wonderful.
I woke up at 9 to matthew coming for his U-pass. Then when I woke up at noon, I headed out. God was on the subway. I was listening to songs:ohia and thinking about how nice some sort of sign would be, for no reason whatsoever, and I got off the train and this guy just pointed me in the right direction. I hadn't said a word to him but he somehow knew which was I had to go.
This was exciting.
I got there and Jeremy and I finished putting the merch together, there were pins to put on cards and t-shirts to roll, and we killed it in very little time. The band that was on stage sucked. After a few more bad bands (including the 'old-school fusion' band, which was neither old school nor fusion) we headed to dunkin. Matthew got a phone call from his girlfriend about his parents searching his room. it went downhill for a little while but then it came back up eventually. However, when we got back from dunkin I discovered that I had started my period.
Normally, this wouldn't be such a big deal. However, this time it is the 4th time in 8 weeks. Not cool. I need to see a doctor about this because it's getting ridiculous.
I made some frantic phone calls and then went back inside. I'm still really worried about it, but that's ok. I know there's something wrong with me, but it will get fixed.
Somehow an inordinate amount of time had passed, and we were all starving. We went to a diner that wasn't supposed to exsist, and the waitress was the sweetest thing ever and paid for our food. God sighting number 2.
We went back and did some stuff, and set up the merch table. I proved myself as merch girl, I think anyways. Sold 5 or 6 t-shirts and 11 sets of pins, I guess. It's their first show.
When some stupid band used duct tape to tape up their sign and ripped paint off of the wall, all the merch booths got kicked out. I didn't have a car to go to, so instead I went and stood under a narrow awning across the street. In the rain. I had no problem with that whatsoever. I talked politely to the people who were working at the theatre and was very respectful. The one guy told me to bring an umbrella. It was a little damp but I sold some more stuff. Then we went home. I am in my apartment, alone because a large part of me didn't want to go to Jeffrey's brother's party. and the other part of me is sick. So I'm trying to sleep. but it's not happening. So I don't kow what I'm going to do.
Now that all of the drive for the show is gone and I'm alone, I'm starting to worry about the whole 4 tims in 8 weeks thing again. So it's making it hard to sleep because I could be very broken. Or, I could be not broken at all, but my mind leans toward very broken.
the band that they made in a month out of several of my friends who play music. Tonight was the show after so many frantic practices and hours into the night spent screen printing and button making.
Tonight was the show. And it was wonderful.
I woke up at 9 to matthew coming for his U-pass. Then when I woke up at noon, I headed out. God was on the subway. I was listening to songs:ohia and thinking about how nice some sort of sign would be, for no reason whatsoever, and I got off the train and this guy just pointed me in the right direction. I hadn't said a word to him but he somehow knew which was I had to go.
This was exciting.
I got there and Jeremy and I finished putting the merch together, there were pins to put on cards and t-shirts to roll, and we killed it in very little time. The band that was on stage sucked. After a few more bad bands (including the 'old-school fusion' band, which was neither old school nor fusion) we headed to dunkin. Matthew got a phone call from his girlfriend about his parents searching his room. it went downhill for a little while but then it came back up eventually. However, when we got back from dunkin I discovered that I had started my period.
Normally, this wouldn't be such a big deal. However, this time it is the 4th time in 8 weeks. Not cool. I need to see a doctor about this because it's getting ridiculous.
I made some frantic phone calls and then went back inside. I'm still really worried about it, but that's ok. I know there's something wrong with me, but it will get fixed.
Somehow an inordinate amount of time had passed, and we were all starving. We went to a diner that wasn't supposed to exsist, and the waitress was the sweetest thing ever and paid for our food. God sighting number 2.
We went back and did some stuff, and set up the merch table. I proved myself as merch girl, I think anyways. Sold 5 or 6 t-shirts and 11 sets of pins, I guess. It's their first show.
When some stupid band used duct tape to tape up their sign and ripped paint off of the wall, all the merch booths got kicked out. I didn't have a car to go to, so instead I went and stood under a narrow awning across the street. In the rain. I had no problem with that whatsoever. I talked politely to the people who were working at the theatre and was very respectful. The one guy told me to bring an umbrella. It was a little damp but I sold some more stuff. Then we went home. I am in my apartment, alone because a large part of me didn't want to go to Jeffrey's brother's party. and the other part of me is sick. So I'm trying to sleep. but it's not happening. So I don't kow what I'm going to do.
Now that all of the drive for the show is gone and I'm alone, I'm starting to worry about the whole 4 tims in 8 weeks thing again. So it's making it hard to sleep because I could be very broken. Or, I could be not broken at all, but my mind leans toward very broken.
19 October 2006
Sidewalk Monsters are on the rise- Look Out!
Theyre coming for you too.
Some of them are parallels to shades of white and grey, some share a name with me and stay up all night.
But they're coming for us.
I don't know what else can be done but to idetify them, they sneak up on you and youre left with seconds to fight.
Nobody sees them coming. And everyone needs to be protected. But there's nothing to protect us.
Where did the 'melt' guy go?
HE was doing a good job.
Some of them are parallels to shades of white and grey, some share a name with me and stay up all night.
But they're coming for us.
I don't know what else can be done but to idetify them, they sneak up on you and youre left with seconds to fight.
Nobody sees them coming. And everyone needs to be protected. But there's nothing to protect us.
Where did the 'melt' guy go?
HE was doing a good job.
12 October 2006
This is Steve. He was nice enough to swim around to the front of his bowl for the photo.
Steve came into my life last saturday, where I mentioned him in passing. He's slowly becoming my best friend. He's anorexic and hyperactive and nocturnal. In other words, he fits right in.
I never like pets, or animals in general but last saturday I was compelled to spend the 12 cents on him and it was the right decision. I don't know why.
He's slowly warming up to me, mainly because every time I walk past him I stare at him and yell "HI STEVE" in a high pitched voice a few times. They say that fish can be trained to recognize their owners.
Really, Steve belongs to all of us. But I get to keep him.
A Day in Reverse and Thoughts Forwards
I'll start off with what I just ate.
That being plums with shredded mozzarella, cayenne pepper, parsley and cinnamon over pasta. It was really really good. Cigarette good but I'm stuck for the night.
Before that I uploaded songs ot the computer, put away clothes and books I brought back.
Before that I took a shower.
Before that I saw everyone in the elevator.
Before that I got off the train.
Before that I spent some time with my family.
Before that I screwed my boyfriend in the back of his car in a cemetary when we realized I wasn't bleeding from the crotch.
Before that I got picked up from the train station by Kyle (my boyfriend).
Before that I got on an early train.
Before that I was let out of class early because of a fire drill.
Before that I barely made it to class.
Before that I didn't want to get out of bed.
Before that it was a pity part in Michael's room and many comforts.
Before that it was my third period in 7 weeks.
Before that Mary didn't get called by anyone and that was depressing.
Before that Matthew tried to get me to drink with him.
Before that I felt funny during the acting thing.
This is how my day got progressively better.
Just flip it upside down.
Thoughts? I want to be able to sleep.
Also! I feel like I need to take care of Mary, but at the same time I already was a hermit and am sick of that.
Also! I want to be social, because I miss people.
Also! I saw my picture in an ad in a mall.
Also! I love Kyle. He makes me go from horrible to ownderful in minutes, and then we can do other things besides mope.
That being plums with shredded mozzarella, cayenne pepper, parsley and cinnamon over pasta. It was really really good. Cigarette good but I'm stuck for the night.
Before that I uploaded songs ot the computer, put away clothes and books I brought back.
Before that I took a shower.
Before that I saw everyone in the elevator.
Before that I got off the train.
Before that I spent some time with my family.
Before that I screwed my boyfriend in the back of his car in a cemetary when we realized I wasn't bleeding from the crotch.
Before that I got picked up from the train station by Kyle (my boyfriend).
Before that I got on an early train.
Before that I was let out of class early because of a fire drill.
Before that I barely made it to class.
Before that I didn't want to get out of bed.
Before that it was a pity part in Michael's room and many comforts.
Before that it was my third period in 7 weeks.
Before that Mary didn't get called by anyone and that was depressing.
Before that Matthew tried to get me to drink with him.
Before that I felt funny during the acting thing.
This is how my day got progressively better.
Just flip it upside down.
Thoughts? I want to be able to sleep.
Also! I feel like I need to take care of Mary, but at the same time I already was a hermit and am sick of that.
Also! I want to be social, because I miss people.
Also! I saw my picture in an ad in a mall.
Also! I love Kyle. He makes me go from horrible to ownderful in minutes, and then we can do other things besides mope.
10 October 2006
Scariest Bathroom Experience Ever.
So I'm at my dad's office, as I often am after class, and I realize I need to use the washroom.
I proceed to the washroom, choose a stall, and go in to use it.
No sooner than I sit down do I hear someone stomping in. She bulldozes into the stall directly next to mine and slams her stall door so hard that mine jars open.
Needless to say, I was too scared to pee.
I waited for about 40 seconds, and she stormed back out.
Terrifying.
I proceed to the washroom, choose a stall, and go in to use it.
No sooner than I sit down do I hear someone stomping in. She bulldozes into the stall directly next to mine and slams her stall door so hard that mine jars open.
Needless to say, I was too scared to pee.
I waited for about 40 seconds, and she stormed back out.
Terrifying.
07 October 2006
Yeah, A Lot Has Happened.
But there are only a few good (albeit very good) points.
Jenny Lewis: was amazing. The show easily topped when I saw her in the spring, and Kyle came with me. I spnt the entire second half of the day with him and it was amazing in mor ways than one. But I won't go into details of the other part. This is not smut.
The entire show was a lot more plugged in than spring. They revamped run devil run into a doo-wop song, which was incredible, and they played a few new songs. At one point they ran backstage and came out in different dresses, covered in sequins. Johnathan Rice introduced them like a vegas act. We went to Clarke's afterwards. Tasty. And I'm just so happy that Kyle could come with.
Also! I love the way lipstick rings look on the end of a cigarette.
Andrea and Julie: came over after their minus the bear show. They spooned in my bed. Mary didn't get angry when she found me curled up in hers under the sofa afghan. I love Mary. We went to Wicker Park the next day and I got two shirts and remembered the Okerville River show tomorrow. We then headed home on the train to Lansing.
Also! We almost missed our train. And also almost missed the L.
Also! I saw the kids from the last time I went down to Wicker Park. Julie christened them the stink punks. I am so in love with them.
Lansing: is where my home is, I guess. It was nice to be home. We went to Andrea's house, where I lived over the summer, and after Andrea dyed her hair and I made a soft soft silver bang shirt (It's green and awesome) we went to Schoop's.
Also! Mary Kate, a friend of ours, cut all of her hair off.
Also! Andrea's house smelled different.
Schoop's: has new menus and new hours. The smoke shop next to Schoop's also have new hours. Schoop's is open later and the smoke shop closes earlier. I paid and it was weird. At the same time it was nice to be home.
Round the Clock: New cups. Same people. But it was obviously not the summer. Jason wasn't there, and I was sa that he has a girlfriend and was whipped. I miss Jason. I got to see Jim though, and had tortellini soup. and my tea. I missed superior tea. It was nice to be home.
Also! Andrea got Jim to buy booze. So they had their Pabst and Derek had his Mad Dog 20/20. There's an Elliott Smith song called mad dog 20/20. Andrea said that it tasted like cream savers. I didn't try it.
Also! A guy brought macedonian moonshine. He said he wanted to puke it was so strong. He was blind drunk after 3 or 4 shots. Then I went to sleep because I don't like watching people drink, and I like watching people get high even less.
Saturday: was like summer. We went to Target and smoked in the car and drove around. Julie was gone, which was also like summer. It was good to be home.
Also! We ate at a deli in Highland. It was really good and they made us a special sandwich because we're vegetarians and all of the sandwiches had meat. They were so sweet. It was growing up, because if we were hungry over the summer we would have gone to schoops for fries.
Steve Richards: is the fish I bought. he's sitting next to me right now. He like Phil Ochs and the bad covers Andrea and I do of songs. He's white with two spots on his tail and one on his head.
Also! I didn't get a hold of haxan because Julie was gone and that sucks.
Also! the shuffle had been amazing right now.
Jenny Lewis: was amazing. The show easily topped when I saw her in the spring, and Kyle came with me. I spnt the entire second half of the day with him and it was amazing in mor ways than one. But I won't go into details of the other part. This is not smut.
The entire show was a lot more plugged in than spring. They revamped run devil run into a doo-wop song, which was incredible, and they played a few new songs. At one point they ran backstage and came out in different dresses, covered in sequins. Johnathan Rice introduced them like a vegas act. We went to Clarke's afterwards. Tasty. And I'm just so happy that Kyle could come with.
Also! I love the way lipstick rings look on the end of a cigarette.
Andrea and Julie: came over after their minus the bear show. They spooned in my bed. Mary didn't get angry when she found me curled up in hers under the sofa afghan. I love Mary. We went to Wicker Park the next day and I got two shirts and remembered the Okerville River show tomorrow. We then headed home on the train to Lansing.
Also! We almost missed our train. And also almost missed the L.
Also! I saw the kids from the last time I went down to Wicker Park. Julie christened them the stink punks. I am so in love with them.
Lansing: is where my home is, I guess. It was nice to be home. We went to Andrea's house, where I lived over the summer, and after Andrea dyed her hair and I made a soft soft silver bang shirt (It's green and awesome) we went to Schoop's.
Also! Mary Kate, a friend of ours, cut all of her hair off.
Also! Andrea's house smelled different.
Schoop's: has new menus and new hours. The smoke shop next to Schoop's also have new hours. Schoop's is open later and the smoke shop closes earlier. I paid and it was weird. At the same time it was nice to be home.
Round the Clock: New cups. Same people. But it was obviously not the summer. Jason wasn't there, and I was sa that he has a girlfriend and was whipped. I miss Jason. I got to see Jim though, and had tortellini soup. and my tea. I missed superior tea. It was nice to be home.
Also! Andrea got Jim to buy booze. So they had their Pabst and Derek had his Mad Dog 20/20. There's an Elliott Smith song called mad dog 20/20. Andrea said that it tasted like cream savers. I didn't try it.
Also! A guy brought macedonian moonshine. He said he wanted to puke it was so strong. He was blind drunk after 3 or 4 shots. Then I went to sleep because I don't like watching people drink, and I like watching people get high even less.
Saturday: was like summer. We went to Target and smoked in the car and drove around. Julie was gone, which was also like summer. It was good to be home.
Also! We ate at a deli in Highland. It was really good and they made us a special sandwich because we're vegetarians and all of the sandwiches had meat. They were so sweet. It was growing up, because if we were hungry over the summer we would have gone to schoops for fries.
Steve Richards: is the fish I bought. he's sitting next to me right now. He like Phil Ochs and the bad covers Andrea and I do of songs. He's white with two spots on his tail and one on his head.
Also! I didn't get a hold of haxan because Julie was gone and that sucks.
Also! the shuffle had been amazing right now.
02 October 2006
I Love You, Shoe Guy!
(that comes later.)
Right now I am sitting at my desk eating puppy chow. My mother sent me a care package. Why? I don't know.
I got my hair dyed a dark red. it was a three hour experience, complete with chamomile tea, hail, the best red i think i've ever gotten, and no check.
The reason I like hair modeling so much has more to do with the change than with the free hair. It eliminates my need to be picky with my hair, and I feel like a paying customer every once in a while. It's nice to feel like a paying customer.
Jessica was awesome. She's someone who I could see myself hanging out with outside of hair modeling. And she gave me amazing colour. I hope she passed her exam or whatever it was.
Also! Winsty came down. We went shoe shopping which is where I ran into shoe guy.
Shoe guy works in the shoe section of the alley. He is actually one of two or three guys, all of whom are called shoe guy. I'm not sure if the one I saw tonight was one of the saturday shoe guys or not.
Saturday there are two shoe guys: Isaac brock shoe guy and other shoe guy. Other shoe guy may or may not be 90's alternative shoe guy, who works on mondays too.
A lot of people find the shoe guys annoying but I am absolutely in love with them.
Tonight was as I mentioned, 90's alternative shoe guy. We held a stupid conversation, and my feet got into it, and he convinced me to write 'line' on the bottoms. How? he's shoe guy and I am in love with him. He wasn't having the best of days. We talked about shoes and he found a tack in the bottom of his combat boots, and I found out his name is Joe. As far as I'm concerned, his name is shoe guy. He's like a superhero. At least to me he is.
Also! I'm about to go have pizza.
Right now I am sitting at my desk eating puppy chow. My mother sent me a care package. Why? I don't know.
I got my hair dyed a dark red. it was a three hour experience, complete with chamomile tea, hail, the best red i think i've ever gotten, and no check.
The reason I like hair modeling so much has more to do with the change than with the free hair. It eliminates my need to be picky with my hair, and I feel like a paying customer every once in a while. It's nice to feel like a paying customer.
Jessica was awesome. She's someone who I could see myself hanging out with outside of hair modeling. And she gave me amazing colour. I hope she passed her exam or whatever it was.
Also! Winsty came down. We went shoe shopping which is where I ran into shoe guy.
Shoe guy works in the shoe section of the alley. He is actually one of two or three guys, all of whom are called shoe guy. I'm not sure if the one I saw tonight was one of the saturday shoe guys or not.
Saturday there are two shoe guys: Isaac brock shoe guy and other shoe guy. Other shoe guy may or may not be 90's alternative shoe guy, who works on mondays too.
A lot of people find the shoe guys annoying but I am absolutely in love with them.
Tonight was as I mentioned, 90's alternative shoe guy. We held a stupid conversation, and my feet got into it, and he convinced me to write 'line' on the bottoms. How? he's shoe guy and I am in love with him. He wasn't having the best of days. We talked about shoes and he found a tack in the bottom of his combat boots, and I found out his name is Joe. As far as I'm concerned, his name is shoe guy. He's like a superhero. At least to me he is.
Also! I'm about to go have pizza.
01 October 2006
I don't get it.
It really is a small world.
I go to preschool with some kids, and then years later I get on the train with one and I'm suddenly reconnected.
Aicia, who i was friends with in preschool, who was at my first sleepover. Now into neutral milk hotel. I really don't know what is going on and it's weirding me out.
a weekend full of music and philb lives downstairs.
It's nuts.
I go to preschool with some kids, and then years later I get on the train with one and I'm suddenly reconnected.
Aicia, who i was friends with in preschool, who was at my first sleepover. Now into neutral milk hotel. I really don't know what is going on and it's weirding me out.
a weekend full of music and philb lives downstairs.
It's nuts.
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