Something's Keeping Me Up When I Should Be Asleep.

*General Warning: This Entry is VERY Personal. But I Don't Believe in Private Entries.*
At least, it's keeping me up right now. And I can't get my mind off of it and that sucks because it's unimportant right now.
So I started taking birth control christmas eve. I'm on the pill now. The first pill I actually took at Kyle's house.
"Happy Christmas, darlin, I'm on the pill!"
I know that it takes about a month and a half to work. But the idea that now there's no chance for me to get pregnant kind of weirds me out. I was not trying to get pregnant in any sense. I do not really want to have a kid right now, considering that I still have my life to sort out. But I always felt that there was that chance, that escape hatch of an accidental pregnancy. I figured that if things got unbearable it was like a parachute.
Please don't think that I do't understand that pregnancy= child in a few months. And please don't think that I take having a kid lightly at all. This is just what I've been thinking in the past two hours since I started trying to sleep.
Part of me does want children. An even smaller part of me thinks that now is a good time for that, for whatever reason.
I guess I'm just kind of scared because while there are a million good things about being on the pill, that's not what I grew up hearing. My family is very religious so I heard things like "If you start taking birth control early, like when you're in your teens, then it can be really hard for you to have kids later on. And anyways, sex is strictly for marriage and anyone who has sex outside of marriage is a sinner, and you don't get married until you're out of college. So why be on birth control and make it harder for you to concieve when you aren't having sex anyways?"
It's a lot of bullshit. Except for the part about it being harder to conceive after you've been on birth control for a long time. That's true. The longer you're on the pill, the longer it takes for the effects to go away when you go off it.
Ok.
When I was at his house on christmas eve, he made a comment about us maybe being the 1%. You know, the couple that gets pregnant anyways? And between the look in his eyes and the way he phrased the sentence, I couldn't tell if he was hopeful that we might be, or dreading the 1% chance that we could be. He had his arms around me. I was too thankful for the moment's exsistence after the fight we had to question its meaning. That was possibly a mistake, because I don't know what he meant.
We can't afford a kid right now either. It isn't even in the question.
So why am I so caught up in it?